Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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