well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
