i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Green mimosas i think yes
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize