Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
