do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
