he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
