She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize