You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
