so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
