just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize