It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
