You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
