you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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