Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
