Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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