omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
