So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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