Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
