i don't like sucking hair
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
