I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
