I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
