I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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