i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
