Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Randomize
