On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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