Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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