you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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