if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
