Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
