My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Randomize
