Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
