Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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