Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize