I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Who put my cat in the fridge?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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