I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
