sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
