No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize