I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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