i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
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