I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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