I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
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