On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
