Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
