5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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