I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
