i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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