so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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