i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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