Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
