My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
