My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
