At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
We just shotgunned beers for America
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
