Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Tell her she can't have a vagina
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Randomize
