so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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