I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
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