Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
In America we eat man semen.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
