in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
