you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
