if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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