Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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