Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
