I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
