I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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