Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
