didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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