She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Randomize
