he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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