new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
